


nothing subtle here

by pourquoi



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Friends to Lovers, Junior year, M/M, These two dorks, also an epilogue where they are dating and it's cool, mutual pining fic, okay trust me, read this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-17
Updated: 2017-07-30
Packaged: 2018-11-15 08:22:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11227065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pourquoi/pseuds/pourquoi
Summary: Basically, Nursey & Dex argue and stare at each other longingly.  Don't look at me like that, you may not have written it, but you're gonna read it so....





	1. bad liar

**Author's Note:**

> “Nothing subtle here” is a line from the Selena Gomez song, "Bad Liar". I have a NurseyDex Spotify playlist that I listened to while writing.(https://open.spotify.com/user/erinsusanne/playlist/6qrzdGkHTVnYiIgK03FF5C))
> 
> Poem: In The Rain- by e.e. cummings
> 
> s/o to my sis (@amonggsavages on Tumblr) for beta reading all this! Much love x
> 
> My Tumblr is @erinpourquoi
> 
> All of this is Ngozi's stuff! But, like, I'm assuming you've read the comic. If not, you should go read the comic, what are you doing here?

**Dex**

Dex knew he was in trouble the first time he saw Nursey playing hockey. It was a practice, in frog year, and Dex had already decided that he and Nurse, Derek M. were _not_ going to be friends. Or even acquaintances. Or anything close. But all the irritating comments and rolled eyes in the world couldn’t stop Dex’s stomach from swooping as he sat on the bench and watched Nursey slam a guy into the boards, steal the puck, and shoot for the net. He recognized the fluttery feeling in his stomach, he was a gay man playing a competitive sport. It was hopeless trying to ignore the fact that hockey players were hot as hell and Dex had given up trying long before Samwell.

But still, Dex told himself, it didn’t actually _mean_ anything. A hockey crush is different than a _crush_ crush. So Dex swallowed the feeling and once he was paired up with Nursey on the ice, it wasn’t that big of a deal. He had less time to watch Nursey when he was trying to keep his eyes on the puck, anyway.

Dex pushed when Nursey pulled. Their mutual agreement to disagree made the world go round and helped the goals get scored. So what if Dex felt slightly nauseous around Nurse sometimes? It was worth it for the cause. 

At least it _was_ worth it.  That was before they were roommates. By the time junior year began, Nursey was his best friend, and it made Dex want to kill him even more. Being someone’s best friend meant you knew shit. Personal shit. And knowing personal shit about Derek Nurse was a dangerous game for William Poindexter. Knowing personal shit might, Dex hoped, ruin the lightheaded feeling he’d gotten when Nursey had hugged him in a celly freshman year, that had shown up sophomore year when Nursey barged into his dorm on a Sunday night with pie from the Haus asking to watch Netflix, or that had plagued Dex as he and Nursey studied into the early hours of the morning during every finals week so far. 

It had been about a month of living with Derek Nurse and William J. Poindexter was _suffering_. The lightheaded feeling was, decidedly, getting stronger and Dex was, decidedly, dying.

So, out of desperation, he called someone who could help.

His brother picked up on the third ring.

“Hullo?” Dex could hear the sound of laughing children and the soft tones of his brother’s wife, Jane, in the background.

“Hi. I’ve got a problem.” Dex’s brother, Marcus, was, arguably, the one person Dex could _really_ talk to, about anything.

“What kind?” Marcus asked. Dex could hear the sound of a screen door opening and slamming closed, muffling the laughter of his nieces.

“It’s Nursey,” Dex sighed.

“Uh-oh.”

“What?”

“I know that sigh. That’s the ‘i’ve got a crush on a boy sigh.’ ”

“I do not have a-" 

"Will, please. I’ve known that sigh since you gave it to me when I asked you why you punched Tom Dewey back in elementary school.”

It was true that Dex had punched Tom Dewey, an annoyingly good-looking kid who had decided to marry Cindy Fonshe during recess that day. At the time, Dex had thought he was jealous of Tom, but looking back on the situation, he had definitely been jealous of Cindy.  It had been a dramatic day for Miss Hanson’s second grade class.

“So, Nursey, huh?”

Dex didn’t reply. His brother knew about Nursey, teammate and frenemy. He did not know about three a.m. Nursey, who hummed softly as he wrote a paper or Nursey on roadies, stealing fries from Dex’s plate.

Now, his brother sighed. “That makes things complicated.”

“You’re telling me.” A pause. Dex rubbed his face and leaned against his desk. “Okay, so yeah, I might I have a crush on Derek Nurse.”

“Alright, tell me about it.”

And Dex did. 

***

** Nursey  
**

Nursey knew he was in trouble the first time he saw Dex in a hat. Well, it wasn’t the hat exactly, it was the fact that Dex sat in the middle of the kitchen at 1 a.m., head in the oven, tools scattered around him.

Halfway through freshman midterms, Nursey was out for a late walk and thought he might pop in to see if there was any leftover pie in the Haus fridge. What he found instead was his defense partner on his hands and knees.

"If you’re trying to kill yourself, the oven isn’t exactly the easiest way,” Nursey whispered into the quiet air.

Dex had jumped, banging his head on the oven door.

” _Fuck_ , Nurse. Where’d you come from?“ Dex was whispering, too, but Nursey could still hear the bite in his words.

And that’s when Dex had emerged, with a backwards snapback over tufts of auburn hair, grease and grime on his face, and a hand on his head, presumably where he had hit it. In the dimly lit kitchen, his pale face looked grumpy. It was so Dex but also something different, something that tugged at Nursey’s chest.

"Nursey?” Dex’s half whisper had startled Nursey out of his “whoa, you are attractive???” thought.

_Stay calm, Nurse. Don’t freak out. Just act naturally. It’s chill._

“Oh, I came from outside. Well technically, I came from a vagina.” _Yikes._

Dex rolled his eyes. “That’s gross.”

“You’re gross.” A weak chirp, but Nursey hadn’t just been knocked off his game; that snapback had sucker punched him in the gut, taken his lunch money, and violently thrown him off his game.

“P.S. you also came from a vagina. That’s the miracle of life, bro. What the hell are you doing in here?”

Dex held up a screwdriver.

“I’m fixing the oven.”

“At,” Nursey checked his watch, “1:13 a.m.?”

Dex just shrugged, sitting back on his knees. Nursey tried to ignore the tug in his gut as Dex wiped a hand across his cheek, leaving another streak of grime behind.

“I couldn’t sleep,” Dex said, his voice matching Nursey’s half-whisper.

“What?” Nursey had missed the actual words that came out of Dex’s mouth.

“I finished a project and I couldn’t sleep. So I — Never mind it doesn’t matter. What’d you want?”

“Oh.”

Focus Nursey. It’s late at night. You’re tired. Just because you noticed that Dex looks good at in a hat, doesn’t mean that you actually think he’s _attractive_. Chill.

Comforting himself, Nursey climbed over Dex’s tools and made his way to the fridge.

“I came for the pie, Poindexter. Chill.”

Nursey could practically hear the rolling of Dex’s eyes from behind the fridge door. 

“There isn’t any. Bitty procrastinated on studying for his French exam, so I’m pretty sure he lives at library now.”

Nursey found this to be a goddamn tragedy. He shut the fridge door dejectedly.

“Whyyyyyyy?” Nursey whined, not bothering to keep his voice quiet.

“Shh! Jesus, Nurse! You’re gonna wake up the whole Haus. You’re so dramatic.”

“Me? Dramatic?” That earned him another eye roll, this time he watch Dex’s eyes swirl and then land on his.

Nursey swears he can hear his own heartbeat in the silence of the Haus around them as the moment between them stretched on. One minute. Two.

Dex was the first to move, clearing his throat.

“Well, I’m busy…you know…” He motioned to the oven behind him.

He was busy tinkering with the oven, to calm himself down, Nursey realized. Something about the idea that Dex –  angry, grumpy, and always ready to tear something down _Dex_ – was able to relax while putting something back together made the last little thread of indifference melt from Nursey’s heart. 

_Shit._

Everything felt small, warm, and bright, despite the dim lighting of the kitchen.

Nursey needed to get out of there before he did something stupid.

_Shit. Shit. Shit. Not chill._

 “Okay, chill,” he managed before he tripped over the tools on the ground and landed on Dex.

 “Omphf!”

_Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit._

He was up before Dex could say anything, backing up towards the door.

“Sorry, bro.” And then he was out of the Haus, trying to forget the smell of salt and cheap aftershave and the feeling of Dex’s body against his own.

They had never talked about it, but Nursey thought about it all the time. Especially when he was mad at Dex. The moment reminded him that even an idiot who didn’t think that the government was spending too much on defense or thought that _A THOUSAND roaches_ would be easier to deal with than one teensy person, was still _human_.

Nursey also thought about it in moments like this, when he sat in his ENG 3500 class and read poetry. Stupid romance poetry.

The girl next to him dragged a highlighter across her page, drenching e.e. cummings’ words in blue ink.

_“i sit and / think of you / the holy / city which is your face / your little cheeks the streets / of smiles / your eyes half- / thrush / half-angel and your drowsy / lips where float flowers of kiss”_

 Stupid. It’s stupid that this poetry — poetry that’s supposed to make him think about love in the rain, love from a window — makes him think about that night in the kitchen, two fucking years ago. Stupid that it makes him think about the stillness of that moment, of the smell of sea salt and aftershave, of wisps of orange hair sticking out of a red cap, of dim lighting and tools scattered across the ground.

“I want you to write with the same passion. Set up a scene, okay guys? Due next class.”

His professor’s dismissal disrupted Nursey’s moment, pulling him from the darkness of the kitchen to the sounds of scraping chairs and rustling of college students desperate to get home for a nap.

Nursey’s thoughts turned back to Dex as he made his way across campus towards his next class. Damn his Thursdays and damn back-to-back classes.

Since that night in frog year, Nursey tried desperately ignore the twisting in his gut when Dex flashed him a smile right after scoring a goal or leaned over him on a roadie to get a better look at something outside of the window or stayed late with Nursey at the library, even when Nursey knew his work was done.

At first, Nursey was able to convince himself that he just thought Dex was nice to look at, but as time wore on even Nursey knew that it wasn’t just a simple acknowledgment. 

Wanting to kiss your best friend during an argument was the complete opposite of chill. Not to mention it would completely ruin the hard won equilibrium that Nursey and Dex had found at the beginning of sophomore year. Not to mention he and Dex were rooming together now. The resulting mess was bad enough that Nursey had written at least four poems and two short stories about it. At least. 

It was one minute being irritated at Dex for playing his shitty music out-loud and the next minute seeing Dex being heart-meltingly adorable as he slept with his arms wrapped around a pillow. It was wanting to punch Dex in the face for arguing that the government shouldn’t regulate healthcare and wanting to angrily grab Dex’s lips with his own when Dex threw up his arms in exasperation, exposing a strip of pale skin that his shirt had been hiding.  It was finally, after a few years of pushing it away and telling himself it was no big deal, writing it down in his journal.

_The least chill thing about all of this? Having a crush on fucking Will Poindexter._

 


	2. "I want you so much, but I hate your guts"

**"I want you so much, but I hate your guts”** is from the Daughter song, _Landfill_. “Nothing subtle here” is a line from the Selena Gomez song, _Bad Liar._

I stole the space vs ocean argument from real life. My best friend and I are always going back and forth about it. That being said, #teamspace4eva

 

* * *

 

 

**Nursey**

Nursey really did feel bad for Chowder, who was squished in between Nursey and Dex, as they ate breakfast. That, however, did not mean he was going to lose this fight.

“I’m not saying the ocean isn’t important, Dex, I’m just saying that you have to look at the big picture.”

 “Big picture my _ass_.” Nursey tried not to think about Dex’s ass. “And you say you believe in climate change!”

“So do you, those conservative leanings can’t fool me, Poindexter. I’m not saying all hope is lost, I’m just saying we should be prepared!”

The argument had started on the way to breakfast and Chowder had sat in the middle, in an attempt to dissolve it.

“Why don’t they just fund both?” He suggested, trying to keep the peace. But Nursey didn’t feel like keeping the peace. He _felt_ like explaining this to Dex, until Dex agreed. He stabbed his fork on a sausage and let Dex respond to the goalie.

“No, that’s not the hypothetical, Chowder. It’s one or the other. Should we, as a species, fund space or ocean exploration? And the clear answer is the _ocean_. Hear that, Nurse? The _ocean_.”

Chowder shook his head and pushed back his chair. “I’m going to the bathroom. This argument is going to last for days; I won’t miss much.”

And with that Chowder, their constant middle ground, was gone.

Nursey leaned in and motioned for Dex to lean in, too. Dex rolled his eyes but scooted a little towards Nurse. Nursey ducked his head, so he could whisper into Dex’s ear.

“Hashtag team space, you motherfucker.” Dex shoved him.

***

**Dex**

Dex covered for the shiver running through him with a shove. Why on earth had he leaned forward? Well, Dex knew why, but that was something he was working on ignoring. Right now, Nurse was helping,  the whisper-shiver notwithstanding. 

“Space? Nursey, space travel is expensive, not that you would even consider that. And like _90 percent_ of the ocean is unexplored. The cure for cancer is probably down there!”

“I do know it’s expensive, bro. Which is why it needs public funding. And like exploring the ocean isn’t expensive? Look, when there’s an asteroid or alien spaceship coming this way, we’ll be glad that we invested in space travel.”

“Or we’ll have wasted all our money and died years earlier when all the sea life disappeared and the ice caps melted!”

Dex wondered if Nursey was arguing just to spite him. Probably. But Dex had grown up on the ocean, and damn if he wasn’t going to defend it in this stupid argument.

“When the aliens invade, you can’t get on my spaceship.”

Dex couldn’t help it, he snorted.

“When we’re all drowning, don’t try and get on my boat, Nurse.”

Chowder got back then, pushing them both back to reclaim his seat.

“Any progress?” He asked, reaching for the syrup.

“Don’t wanna get on your boat anyway,” Nursey mumbled and Dex put down his fork with a loud clang.

“Well, it’s not like you could captain a boat, city boy.” He was annoyed with the smug look on Nursey’s face, the fact that he was team space, the way his curls were messy in the morning, the new cologne he’d started wearing this week. Dex was just annoyed.

“You know what, Derek Nurse–” he started, but Chowder shoved a bite of pancake into Dex’s mouth before he could finish his sentence.

“Dex and Nursey. Nursey and Dex. My fellow frogs. My best friends. Lights of my life. Can you guys get the fuck over this one so I can eat my pancakes??”

Dex chewed angrily, but grunted in agreement when Nursey sighed and said “Only for you, Chowder.”

On the way out of the cafeteria, Dex was walking behind Nursey. Not a bad thing at all, Dex had decided as he thanked god for hockey butts.

Chowder was in front of Nursey. He wouldn’t see. Swallowing, Dex reached forward, grabbing the back of Nursey’s shirt. Nursey looked startled as he stopped short. Dex leaned forward, until his mouth was dangerously close to Nurse’s ear. 

_You can’t want this. Don’t freak out, Poindexter. Remember. You can’t want this._  

“We’ll settle this next roadie, Nurse. Team vote.”

Dex watched as Nursey glanced towards Chowder and back to Dex. And he gave a short nod.

Then he flashed a grin, the kind that made Dex freeze up. Like one of those computers with fried wires.

 “I guess, _William_ , but team space is gonna kick ass.”

His face was close, still turned towards Dex.

_Can’t. Want. This._

“Whatever, _Derek_. Still not letting you on my boat. You can drown.”

“Guys? You aren’t fighting some more, right? Cause it’s really not ‘swawesome.” Chowder’s call for them had them both jumping back as if they’d been shocked.

Dex tried to reorganize his fried-wire brain and get the thought that Nursey’s eyes _might_ have been on his mouth out of his head.

_Wishful thinking, Will._

“Nope. It’s chill.” Nursey pulled out of his grasp without looking back.


	3. "past all these rules"

This chapter was heavily inspired by this iconic [fic](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Farchiveofourown.org%2Fworks%2F7881013&t=Y2JiZDIzNzI1OWRhZDI2ZTk2OTdmZjZlNDc3MjQyOTE2ZjI3MGU2MixIUGRlZlFteA%3D%3D&b=t%3AF8bitmESXLKPJ8wlqFcaaQ&p=http%3A%2F%2Ferinpourquoi.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F161725552069%2Fnothing-subtle-here-36&m=1) by [briizy](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Farchiveofourown.org%2Fusers%2Fbriizy%2Fpseuds%2Fbriizy&t=NWU3OTdiN2IxN2RhZWI0N2NhZDc4YzhhNTM0MTg5NWU1M2RjYWJmNyxIUGRlZlFteA%3D%3D&b=t%3AF8bitmESXLKPJ8wlqFcaaQ&p=http%3A%2F%2Ferinpourquoi.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F161725552069%2Fnothing-subtle-here-36&m=1). I’ve read that shit so many times. If you ever see this, briizy, I love you.

**s/o to my sis@amonggsavages for beta reading all this! Follow her, she’ll edit things and she’s funny. Do it.**

"Past all these rules” is from a Troye Sivan song, _Touch_. “Nothing subtle here” is a line from the Selena Gomez song, _Bad Liar._

_[My NurseyDex playlist](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fopen.spotify.com%2Fuser%2Ferinsusanne%2Fplaylist%2F6qrzdGkHTVnYiIgK03FF5C&t=NjFhNDJmMDQxMzI2MTJhYjJjMzg0MGRkZWMwOGNiYWM5ZjUyZTRmMiw3YWZ5RDAzVQ%3D%3D&b=t%3AF8bitmESXLKPJ8wlqFcaaQ&p=http%3A%2F%2Ferinpourquoi.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F161679968924%2Fnothing-subtle-here&m=1) that I listened to while writing._

I'm @erinpourquoi

Thanks for reading and much love x

 

* * *

 

** Nursey **

Nursey sat back smugly against his seat. Dex looked pissed, but a team vote was a team vote. Nurse had won, fair and square.

The bus was quiet, after an all out war over the space vs ocean debate had ensued (resulting in a team space victory) they had gotten off the interstate to eat.

Now, back on the bus, the entirety of Samwell Men’s Hockey team was napping.

Dex yawned and Nursey tried not to think it was cute. A lost cause. Especially when he saw his defense partner reaching down into his bag. Nursey knew what this meant and he dreaded it. 

About three months ago, Nursey had walked into his room only to find Will Poindexter spread out on his bed, wearing just sweatpants, with a book in hand, and [glasses](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.destinyman.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2016%2F01%2FTortoise-Shell-Glasses-.jpg&t=MDBmOWRkMjg2NWY4MWQxZTVhMGIzODZmMDQzOTNiOWJlYjM0YTRiYyxIUGRlZlFteA%3D%3D&b=t%3AF8bitmESXLKPJ8wlqFcaaQ&p=http%3A%2F%2Ferinpourquoi.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F161725552069%2Fnothing-subtle-here-36&m=1) perched on his button nose.

 _Fuck_. That was all Nursey had time to think before he’d tripped over his own feet and hit the ground.

“I meant to sand that stray floorboard down yesterday, my bad,” Dex spoke up, not turning from his book.

It _was_ his bad, but it had nothing to do with the floorboard.

Ever since, Dex wore the glasses while reading or studying and Nursey felt like he was losing his goddamn mind every time.

Glasses were a personal weakness for Nursey. Smart fuckers, Nursey wasn’t picky, who could talk about something passionately and wore lil tortoise shell glasses, were his type.

And here he was on a quiet bus, next to William J. Poindexter, king of being passionate and smart about hockey and computers and math and other smart shit wearing his goddamn tortoise shell glasses.

Nursey watched as Dex typed intently into his laptop, fingers flying. He had stolen one of Nursey’s beanies (because this wasn’t painful enough, evidently), claiming that it was too cold to not cover his ears. He wasn’t wrong, but the image of Dex in his beanie, wearing those lil sexy glasses and typing a mile a minute was….

It was something Nursey couldn’t explain with words, and words were his medium, both his offense and defense. 

Nursey watched as Dex’s honey-colored eyes flew across the screen, trying to keep up with his thoughts and fingers. Nursey watched as Dex bit his lip and then scrunched his liberally freckled nose. As his glasses frame slipped down that freckled nose. He watched as Dex’s adam’s apple bobbed and had to swallow himself.

_Chill out, Derek. Keep cool._

It was a recurring problem, staring at Dex, especially when the glasses were involved. But Nursey was used to talking himself out of doing something stupid.

 _Like kiss him_ , his brain provided.

Nursey traced Dex lips with his eyes and thought about what they would feel like on his own.

_Angry? Possessive? Perfect?_

Someone coughed and Nursey tore his gaze off of Dex and himself out of his fantasy. He turned around and cuddled the outside armrest, drifting into a restless sleep full of stubbly kisses and never-ending oceans.

 

 

***

** Dex **

When Nursey turned around, Dex let out a breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding. Sometimes Nursey just stared. It was just one of those Nursey _things._

The first time it had happened, Dex had thought he’d had something on his face. He’d picked a fight instead of asking what Nursey was staring at. But that night, as he watched Nursey scribbling in his journal, dark ink staining his already dark hands, Dex figured it out.

He hadn’t been staring at _Dex._ He’d just been in his weird writer’s zone. The best Dex could figure, Nursey did it to everyone, zoned out like that. But it only bothered _him_ because he was watching Nursey _back_. Because he had these dumb _feelings._

Dex had told his brother that he wanted to get over it. That the feelings would probably disappear the more he lived with Nursey.  His brother hadn’t commented, simply wished him good luck.

Yeah, right.

Living with a guy you had feelings for and often wanted to punch was a very, _very_ bad idea. Dex had known this, but he had also known the pain of random roommates. So Nursey it was. Only now Dex had to wake up to the smell of Dove Men’s body wash and cologne that reminded him of a library. He had to wake up to Nursey with just a towel around his waist, water tracing down the muscles in his back. He had to see the tattooed words on Nursey’s ribs and the dark hair going down, down, down.

Dex was a pretty strong guy. He was a defenseman in the NCAA for christ’s sake. But everything about Derek Malik Nurse made him forget all that.

Unless they were fighting. Fighting held a different sort of attraction for Dex. Dex loved to fight and Nursey didn’t disappoint. Dex used to think that everything about Nursey drove him crazy because he really hated him. He figured he was just jealous. But it had been Tom Dewey all over again. He didn’t want to be Nursey, he wanted to be _with_ Nursey.

Dex pushed his glasses up his nose. Whenever he was working, Dex could feel Nursey’s eyes on him. It was impossible to focus. But Dex pretended not to notice, because Nursey probably didn’t even know he was doing it. He was in his own head.

Dex had to remind himself that it was all him. He was putting meaning into things that had none.

With a sigh, Dex glanced at his fellow d-man. Nursey was snoring lightly. It should have been obnoxious, but Dex’s heart betrayed him and skipped a beat.

Dark curls fell over Nursey’s forehead, the tips of them squished in between his face and the cushion. Dex reached out to brush his fingers lightly over Nursey's cheek. 

Nursey mumbled something about ‘waiting for the next wave’ and Dex jerked his hand away. 

Dex’s phone buzzed and he jumped again. It was just a text.

**Chowder: Everyone’s asleeeeeep. Come play cards?**

Dex looked back at Nursey, who had turned over, his eyelashes flickering. Dex looked to Nursey’s lips. Looked away and swallowed. And looked back as Nursey mumbled something about… razors??

 **Dex: [[three thumbs up emojis]]**  

Dex shut his laptop and tucked it away as silently as possible. Unplugging his phone, he carefully inched his way around Nursey. Just as he scooted away, he heard it.

“Will.” It was barely a mumble, tumbling out of Nursey’s mouth. He was still asleep. 

Hearing his first name – _jesus christ_ – on those lips. Dex knew that it shouldn’t have sent a thrill through him, but it did. 

 _It doesn’t mean what you want it to mean,_ he told himself angrily. Dex’s phone buzzed again.

**Chowder: Coming ???**

Dex stepped away before he had a chance to do what he really _wanted_ to and ruin everything.


	4. "supposed to fall in like before you fall in love”

**“Supposed to fall in like before you fall in love”**  is from the song called _True Colors_ by DVG. It’s on m[y NurseyDex playlist](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fopen.spotify.com%2Fuser%2Ferinsusanne%2Fplaylist%2F6qrzdGkHTVnYiIgK03FF5C&t=NjFhNDJmMDQxMzI2MTJhYjJjMzg0MGRkZWMwOGNiYWM5ZjUyZTRmMiw3YWZ5RDAzVQ%3D%3D&b=t%3AF8bitmESXLKPJ8wlqFcaaQ&p=http%3A%2F%2Ferinpourquoi.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F161679968924%2Fnothing-subtle-here&m=1) that I listened to while writing. “Nothing subtle here” is a line from the Selena Gomez song, _Bad Liar._

**s/o to my sis@amonggsavages on Tumblr for beta reading all this! Follow her, she’s actually the best??? She got me into this fandom, so you have her to blame.**

**I'm @erinpourquoi on Tumblr**

Thanks for reading and much love x

* * *

 

** Dex **

Red tinged the edge of his vision as Dex threw their hotel room door open. It slammed against the adjacent wall with a satisfying thud. Nursey shoved past him into the room and violently threw his bag down beside the furthest bed. Before he had time to even turn around, Dex was on him.

 “WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT SHOT IN SECOND PERIOD, NURSE?”

They had lost, 5-0. And Dex felt like he was on fire. His whole body was vibrating with emotion. The game had been brutal and the refs had been blind. Typical hockey. Dex had contained himself until this moment, when he could let his anger free.

“THE SECOND? I GAVE YOU A BEAUT OF PASS IN THE THIRD! WHERE WERE YOU, POINDEXTER?!”

 Nursey had been ready. Dex felt like he was about the burst into flames.

 “GETTING THROWN INTO THE FUCKING BOARDS!”

 “AND NOT GETTING A CALL!”

It was a typical interaction. Nursey and Dex: mad at each other, but furious with everyone else. 

“AND THAT GUY, WHAT WAS IT #32? HE JUST –”

“–FUCKING THREW HIMSELF INTO CHOWDER’S NET!! LIKE–”

“–WHAT THE HELL, INTERFERENCE!?!”

“HIT ME.”

“AND – wait, what?” Dex thought he had heard wrong.

“You heard me.”

Dex could still feel the adrenaline pulsing through his veins. He may be upset, but it had been a long time since he had _really_ wanted to hit Nursey.

“What the fuck? I’m not going to hit you.” 

And then Nursey shoved him.

 “Hit me, Poindexter. Don’t be a wuss.”

“What the hell? Nurs-” Nursey shoved him again, this time with more force. Dex’s body moved for him, reacting (like it always did), before his head could catch up.

He pushed back, grabbing onto anything he could get his hands on. The force pushed them both to the floor, all shoves and grunts. Dex’s hand dug into Nursey’s shoulder. Nursey’s elbow slammed into his ribs. Nursey wrapped his arms around Dex’s chest and they rolled, hitting the edge of a bed.

“What. The. Fuck.” Dex managed as he pulled himself out of Nursey’s hold and shoved Nursey towards the ground. He was careful not to push as hard as he could, considering the fact that if Nursey had wanted, he could have held the hold on Dex. This wasn’t a fight; it was an outlet.

Nursey pushed him off and the two of them laid there for a minute, breathing heavily. 

“Do you feel better, asshole? Because I’m gonna have bruises,” Nursey asked, his tone airy.

Dex sat up and looked down at his disheveled d-partner. Nursey’s hair, already a mess from the game, was frizzy. His chest moving up and down rapidly, his shirt rucked up, exposing his stomach. His green eyes bright and slightly unfocused. _Dex_ had done that to Nursey. Well, a hockey game and Dex. 

 _Fuck me,_ Dex thought, in both a self-loathing and a sexual sense.

 But then he realized that he had basically attacked his best friend.

“Oh, fuck, bro. I’m–” Nursey held up a hand as he sat up next to Dex.

“No, it’s chill. I came at you. You’ve been fuming since the end of the third and none of those guys were giving you any way to _show_ them how pissed you were. If I had left it, you might have punched a hole in the wall.”

“I don’t have _that_ bad of a temper, Nursey.”

“Maybe not, but it was an excuse to get you rolling around on the floor with me.”

For the second time in 10 minutes, Dex said, “Wait, what?”

Nursey rolled his eyes.

“Jokes, Dex? Ever heard of them?”  Dex knew Nursey was just fucking around, but that didn’t stop the clenching in Dex’s chest in response to the comment. His heart probably should have stopped racing, but looking at Nursey was having the opposite effect. So he stopped looking. 

_You can’t want that, Poindexter._

Dex leaned back against the bed frame and tried not to think about the way Nursey was pressed up against his right side. He timed his breathing with Nursey’s. Besides his fluttering pulse (that had nothing to do with exertion), Dex could feel the anger draining out of him, quickly being replaced with exhaustion. Dex would never tell him, but Nursey had probably just rescued him from a night of tossing and turning. As if he were reading Dex’s thoughts, Nursey bumped Dex’s shoulder.

“I know. Guess, I’ve been living with you long enough to know what keeps you up at night.”

Dex’s heart ached. _God, Nursey, if you only knew._

***

**Nursey**

Nursey knew he had said too much.

 _Stupid._ Not _Chill. Really fucking stupid._

How long had it taken to get to this point with Dex? _Years._ And Nursey was saying shit that definitely crossed the line in the sand.

And Dex breathing heavily, pressed close to his body? Call the fucking police, because Nursey was _dying_. For Nursey, being a writer meant that sometimes, at least for a second, reality and fiction blurred. He could see it so easily.

_Reaching over to put his hand on Dex’s knee. Turning his head. The feel of Dex’s hands around his neck. In his hair. The heat of them rolling around, like before, but completely different. Dex having a way to vent after losses that involved less bruising, more tongue._

“I’m only gonna say this once…” Dex started and then trailed off. Nursey blinked, pulling himself back to the present.

Dex cleared his throat. “You’re a pretty good person, Derek Nurse. Thanks.”

Nursey was melting. His entire being felt light and heavy, all at once.

“Pretty good, huh?” he managed. Dex rolled his eyes and then shoved his knee against Nursey’s.

“I mean, you’re a halfway decent best friend, I guess.”

“Fuck you, Poindexter, I am an amazing best friend.” 

_Bestfriend.Bestfriend.Bestfriend.Bestfriend.Bestfriend._

They had never said it _out loud_ before and to Nursey it sounded like music. It sounded like it meant something. It sounded like a promise.

Dex shrugged –- probably the best reply Nursey was gonna get – and stood. He reached a hand down to Nursey.

“We should get some sleep. We have a game against Yale when we get back.” 

Nursey doubted he could sleep after what had just happened, but he accepted Dex’s hand up anyway.


	5. "you can never spit it out for me"

**s/o to my sis@amonggsavages for beta reading all this! Follow her, she’s actually the best??? She got me into this fandom, so you have her to blame.**

"You can never spit it out for me” is from a Halsey song, _Now or Never_. “Nothing subtle here” is a line from the Selena Gomez song, _Bad Liar._

_[My NurseyDex playlist](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fopen.spotify.com%2Fuser%2Ferinsusanne%2Fplaylist%2F6qrzdGkHTVnYiIgK03FF5C&t=NjFhNDJmMDQxMzI2MTJhYjJjMzg0MGRkZWMwOGNiYWM5ZjUyZTRmMiw3YWZ5RDAzVQ%3D%3D&b=t%3AF8bitmESXLKPJ8wlqFcaaQ&p=http%3A%2F%2Ferinpourquoi.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F161679968924%2Fnothing-subtle-here&m=1) that I listened to while writing._

I'm @erinpourquoi on Tumblr.

Thanks for reading and much love x

* * *

 

** Nursey **

They’d won. Even better, they’d come back from 3-0 deficit to win by 3, 6-3. Nursey loved winning no matter what, but the joy of earning it – of wiping the smug look off of Yale’s starting line up–  was his favorite kind of win.

Everyone was pretty lit by the time they got back to the Haus. A celebratory kegster was the best kind of kegster and Nursey was buzzing. Not in a drunk way, in a “we just won and I’m about to party” way.

“When you look like that, I know it’s going to be a long night.” Dex walked beside him, duffel bag over his shoulder. His tone said reluctance, but his honey eyes were dancing. Looking at Dex, Nursey knew that it was going to be a _good_ night. 

He wiggled his eyebrows at Dex. “You have no idea.”

Nursey watched as Dex turned red, starting with his neck, spreading across his face and seeping down under the collar of his shirt. Nursey followed the spread as it disappeared from sight.

 _Sand. Lines._ Nursey reminded himself.

Dex just rolled his eyes. Nursey breathed a sigh of relief.

***

** Dex **

It was late, or early depending on how you looked at it, but Dex was wide awake. He was leaning against the wall, watching Nursey. It came with the Nursey Patrol gig, but Dex would have been watching him anyway. 

Dex took a sip of his beer and watched the way Nursey threw his head back as he laughed at a joke.

He took another sip and watched the way Nursey rolled his eyes at Tango, his challenger, and then downed a shot.

Dex took a sip and watched Nursey drink tub juice and grind to shitty pop music.

Dex went to take a sip and found his that his bottle was pretty much empty as he watched Nursey walk towards him. Dex downed what was left. 

“Whatcha doing, Dex?” 

Nursey tripped, because of course he did, and Dex caught him before he could hit the ground.

 “Keeping you alive, apparently.” Nursey patted Dex’s shoulder.

“Got my back.”

“I guess so.”

“You should dance.”

 “Yeah, right. You really _are_ drunk.”

 Nursey held his hand to his chest in fake hurt.

“Noteven foryour _beeeeeeest_ friend?” Nursey’s words slurred together a little bit, but Dex could make out their meaning. He snorted.

“I thought we agreed not to talk about that, you sap.”

“ Hey! You said it first, sap. I didn’t agree to anything.”

It was true they’d never agreed  _not_ to talk about it. They just hadn’t. And Dex was fine keeping that as the status quo. It was less painful that way.

 “Come on, Nurse, let’s get some electrolytes in you.”    

Dex half carried, half guided his defense partner into the kitchen. Nursey pulled himself onto the edge of the island counter as Dex dug through the fridge for a Gatorade. He looked around for a grape flavored one, but no luck. Nursey would have to settle for fruit punch. Dex opened the cabinet above the sink and scourged some peanut butter crackers. Opening the Gatorade, he handed it to Nursey.

Nursey frowned. 

“It’s red.”

“We’re out of purple.” 

Nodding, Nursey began to sip. Dex opened the crackers.

“Here you go, dumbass. Eat something. You’ll thank me later. _Slowly_.You are _not_ throwing up on me, Nursey, not tonight.”

 

***

** Nursey **

Drunk Nursey liked to be taken care of. At least, when the role of caretak _er_ was being filled by William Poindexter.

He munched on his crackers while Dex leaned on the counter across from him, typing into his phone.

“Whatcha doin’ now?” he asked. Dex ignored him.

Nursey heard the sound of a text sending and Dex clicked his phone shut. He tilted his head, freckled arms crossed.

“You know, you sound even more New York when you’re drunk. Alcohol brings out the accent.”

Nursey grinned.

“You into it, Poindexter?” It had slipped through the haze, because filtering while drunk was not Nursey’s strong suit. It was the closest he’d ever been to asking the question.

Oh well, he could just blame it on the alcohol later. 

Dex just looked at him - and _what. the. fuck._ – was that a smirk? A _smirk_ from Will?

_Not chill._

Nursey flopped backwards, arms spreading as he landed across the island countertop. A few solo cups clattered onto the ground. Nursey heard Dex moving, but didn’t dare look. Nursey felt a hand on his leg. His eyes flew open.

Dex had a hand on Nursey’s knee. 

 _It’s a_ platonic _knee grab, calm the fuck down,_ said the rational part of Nursey’s brain. But the rest of Nursey’s brain was very drunk and the complete opposite of calm.

He lifted his head off the counter so that he could look at Dex. And there he was, hand resting on Nursey’s knee, the other rubbing the back of his head nervously. Nursey watched as his throat bobbed.

“Nurse-”

The front door flew open, shocking them both. Dex pulled back and Nursey sat up, already missing the point of contact.

“I HEARD YOU ASSHOLES WON.” Despite losing his moment with Dex, Nursey couldn’t help but grin as Shitty flew into the kitchen, slamming down a case of beer. 

When he went to bed an hour later, Dex wasn’t there.

 


	6. "can barely breathe"

**“Can barely breathe”**  is from the Ariana Grande song, _Into You_. It’s on m[y NurseyDex playlist](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fopen.spotify.com%2Fuser%2Ferinsusanne%2Fplaylist%2F6qrzdGkHTVnYiIgK03FF5C&t=NjFhNDJmMDQxMzI2MTJhYjJjMzg0MGRkZWMwOGNiYWM5ZjUyZTRmMiw3YWZ5RDAzVQ%3D%3D&b=t%3AF8bitmESXLKPJ8wlqFcaaQ&p=http%3A%2F%2Ferinpourquoi.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F161679968924%2Fnothing-subtle-here&m=1) that I listened to while writing. “Nothing subtle here” is a line from the Selena Gomez song, _Bad Liar._

**s/o to my sis@amonggsavages on Tumblr for beta reading all this! Follow her, she’s actually the best??? She got me into this fandom, so you have her to blame.**

**I'm @erinpourquoi on Tumblr**

Thanks for reading and much love x

* * *

 

** Dex **

It was 2:30 in the morning and Dex just wanted to sleep. It was a Friday night. Most of the Haus was off at some party, but Dex had a project due on Monday that he had ignored for far too long.

Yet, twenty minutes after he had closed his laptop and turned off the light, Dex was still awake. The Haus was unnaturally quiet around him.

_Buzz. Buzz._

Dex reached for his phone, squinting at its brightness as he checked to see who it was. _Nursey._

 

Where was Nursey? At a party? Probably. Might need a ride.

 

Sliding his phone open, Dex read the awaiting message.

 

**Nursey: Yo r u awake?**

 

For an English major, Nursey’s texting habits were an actual nightmare.

 

**Dex: Unfortunately. Are you drunk? Do you need a ride?**

 

Dex hit send and sat up, reaching for a shirt.

 

_Buzz. Buzz._

 

**Nursey: No. Meet me at faber? in 10?**

 

Weird.

 

**Dex: Are you sure you aren’t a little drunk? You know it’s 2:30 in the morning, right?**

 

Instead of waiting for a response, Dex got out of bed. He wasn’t going to get any sleeping done anyway. He slipped on a pair of sweatpants and his underarmor shirt. Grabbing his cap and sliding into his sneakers without untying them, Dex unplugged his phone. He had another text from Nursey.

 

**Nursey: trust me???**

 

With a sigh, Dex slipped into the bathroom. He hated himself for doing it, but he brushed his teeth anyway.

 

_It’s not what you want it to be, Poindexter. Can’t want that._

 

Warily, Dex slipped his his cap on backwards and looked at himself in the mirror.

 

_Stupid. He was being stupid._

 

_Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. Buzz._

 

**Nursey: R u coming??**

 

**Nursey: dexxxxxxxxxx**

 

**Dex: Yes, you dumbass. Be there in 10.**

 

Dex slipped his phone in his pocket as he made his way out of the Haus.

Frat row was a mess, a standard for Friday night. The streets were a sea of drunk teenagers and loud pop music. Dex made his way down the street as fast a possible, and turned left towards Faber. He fidgeted with the phone in his pocket, but it didn’t buzz again. Dex figured that Nursey was, in fact, drunk as hell and expected to find his defense partner sprawled on the steps of the hockey rink. Hopefully, _without_ a pile of vomit.

 What he didn’t expect was to find his defense partner leaning against an entrance column, in Superman pajama pants, a white tank top, and green slippers.

 “What the _hell_ are you doing out here at 2 a.m.?”

 Nursey’s head flew up from his phone and he smiled -- an easy, real smile. Dex’s entire body felt like it was melting.

 “Playing Temple Run 2.” Nursey held up his phone to show his blonde character, who promptly tripped on a root and screamed as she was devoured by a monster.

 “No, I mean--,” Dex started, but then interrupted himself. “Did you say Temple Run? Who the hell plays Temple Run anymore?”

 “Temple Run _2_ , Dex, keep up.” Nursey didn’t just mean with his iphone gaming habits. He was walking around the side of the building, towards the back entrance. Dex jogged a little to catch-up. The weirdness of the entire situation was not lost on Dex, but he decided to just go with it because Nursey was talking.

 “So, like I said, I was super uncomfortable for the first half of frog year on our ice. Our own damn ice, Poindexter, can you believe that? So I talked to Hall about it and he gave me a key. And then never asked for it back, so I’m _assuming_ he forgot. And there’s no way that I’m going to --”

 “Wait, what?” Dex registered what Nurse was telling him as the boy turned the key in the back door that lead to the locker rooms and it swung open.

 “What do you mean what?” Nursey was frowning. “I have a key.”

 “I mean. No offense, but you lose literally everything, Nursey. How have you kept up with a key to Faber since _freshman year_?”

Nursey’s frown deepened.

“I do not lose everything.”  Dex didn’t really want to get in a fight, but Nursey did lose everything. Living with the guy had only made it more obvious.

Dex looked in between his best friend and the open door. Without responding he patted Nursey’s shoulder and slid past him into the darkness of the rink.

 

***

** Nursey **

He had shown up in the damn snapback. Of course he had. It should have been illegal, the way Dex’s underarmour shirt hugged his biceps, the way the sweatpants barely clung to his waist, the way he was illuminated in the moonlight and the way the goddamn snapback looked on his beautiful head.

It had been going pretty well, Nursey thought, until Dex had said he lost everything. It stung in the way that only things that are actually true can. Nursey had lost his dad, Nursey had lost his cat in the third grade, Nursey lost his wallet when he was fifteen, Nursey lost his lucky puck a month ago, he often lost his bravery when he needed it, and recently, Nursey had lost his damn mind.

 

_Inviting Dex to Faber at 2 a.m.? What are you doing?_

 

But there was an excitement in the crisp night air that was almost tangible. Something about the almost- summer nights at Samwell felt magical. And Nursey was a poet. Who was he to refuse a night like that?

He let the door slam behind him and the sound traveled into the dim offices of Faber. Safety lighting lined the floor in front of him.

 

“Dex?”

 

No response.

 

“Poindexter?” he tried.

 

…

 

“Will?”

 “Dude if yo-- AHH!” Dex jumped out of an old storage closet, causing Nursey to jump back in fear.

 “FUCK, DEX.”

 Dex’s laughter filled the corridor.

 “Fuck you, bro.” Nursey gasped, clutching his heart. Once he had caught his breath he said, “I can see the headline now _Samwell student William J. Poindexter murders fellow classmate via terror-induced heart attack.”_

Dex snorted as they made their way down towards the locker room. 

“More like: _Samwell hockey phenom, William J. Poindexter, successfully scares the shit out of overdramatic defense partner_.”

Nursey gave a fake gasp, acting scandalized.

“They would never print such lies! The Swallow isn’t ~fake news~, Dex!”

“You’re the worst,” said Dex, but his tone said the opposite to his words.

Nursey rolled his eyes, but it had no bite to it. The boys grinned at each other, murky green eyes locking with light amber ones.

Nursey felt like he would have given away his every possession to experience the sensation of feeling so _known_ sooner.

There were a thousand things being said with that shared look, things that neither Nursey nor Dex had the balls to say out loud. But maybe this could be Best Friends Part 2? 

 _In your dreams_ , Nursey chirped himself. He cleared his throat, thinking about another soft-lit, early morning moment, wondering if Dex was thinking about that night in frog year too, if he even remembered.

Nursey let himself pull away first.

“Are we gonna skate or what?

 

***

**Dex**  

They pulled on their skates. Dex rolled up his sweatpants so they didn’t scrape the ice but Nursey just stuffed his red and blue Superman pants in under the laces messily.

“Don’t you hate Superman?” 

Nursey sighed. “I mean, pretty much. They were a gift for secret Santa or something.”

“But...you don’t celebrate Christmas???”

Nursey stuck out his bottom lip in a pout.

“Secret Santa is equal opportunity, Dex. At least in English Club.”

Dex couldn’t help but take one look at Nursey -- pouty lip, arms crossed, pj bottoms puffing out of his ice skates -- before he burst out laughing.

“You,” he breathed, “are the such a….” Dex trailed off closing his eyes. Something about the night made him feel brave, maybe brave enough to say what he hadn’t been able to at the kegster.

Dex opened his eyes to see Nursey squinting, like he did when he was trying to find a word that was only _just_ about to come to him.

“A what?” Nursey asked, his voice implying a question that he’d only implied when drunk. Dex felt a tingle in his whole body. Was this…??

Dex pulled himself up off the bench and away from the thought, he held out his hand. 

“Are we going skate or what, Nurse?” Nursey shook his head a little bit, like he couldn’t believe Dex, but took his hand all the same. Dex hauled his best friend to his feet. They stood there for a second, warm hands clasped, before Dex pulled away and headed towards the ice.

 

***

** Dex **

It was a little cold on the ice, but it also felt warm. Warm in the way going home to see his mom and dad and brother and cousins felt. Warm like going to Haus to eat Bitty’s cookies or out on the boat and seeing the sunrise over the ocean.

They skated around casually, in a companionable silence. Not a minute in though, Dex found himself watching Nursey. Dex couldn’t help be reminded of the first time he saw Nursey _really_ play hockey, back in frog year. How he had tried to ignore the feelings he had for his d-partner. There was no ignoring them now. Nursey was skating towards the windows with his head angled up, and his eyes closed, the moon illuminating his brown skin. Dex couldn’t breathe.

 _Don’t be dumb. You can’t want that._ Derek Nurse may not believe in God, but sometimes Dex swore he was an angel. And in this moment, with Nursey shining in the moonlight on the ice, the one place he became graceful and one of the many places he became beautiful, Dex wondered if he _could_ want that.

 _It would ruin everything. You have to win games and freaking you’re defense partner out with your gay crush is not a way to do that._ Dex’s mind shut him down, supplying him with all the reasons why he and Derek Nurse would never and could never have a non-platonic, non-bro relationship.

Nursey suddenly spun on the ice, drifting towards Dex.

“The moon coming through the windows is pretty ‘swawesome, huh?”

“Hmm,” Dex agreed.

“You know what the moon reminds me of?” Dex made another noncommittal response, his arms crossing. He didn’t like where this was going.

Nursey stopped in front of him, a smirk on his face.

“How much more beneficial space travel is as opposed to ocean exploration.” Dex threw up his arms in exasperation.

 “Really, Nurse?! We were having such a moment and there you go ruining it.”

Nursey skated a slow circle around him. Dex spun to follow the movement.

“Was that a moment?”

 _I was staring at you in the moonlight, jackass, what do you think?_ But Dex doesn’t say it, he merely shrugs.

“Hmm.” Now it was Nursey’s turn for a noncommittal response.

Nursey had stopped spinning now, and Dex felt strangely rooted under his gaze. But Dex had drifted to the boards. He leaned on them for support. 

Looking into those green eyes, Dex thought about New Yorker accents and cheeky grins and after game shouting matches. He thought about the smell of books and coffee. He thought about spilled cereal and the feeling of knowing that Nursey would be there when he shot the puck forward.

Dex gripped the boards with both hands.

 

*******

**Nursey**

Nursey knew that he shouldn’t be skating towards Dex, but Nursey didn’t always do what he should.

He thought about freckled skin and the way it looked in the silvery light.

“We do have our moments, Nurse.” Dex probably meant it to be sarcastic, but it came out soft. 

Nursey drifted towards Dex, stopping closer than he probably should have. Dex said nothing, his amber eyes still digging into Nursey’s. Nursey’s heart hammered, its sound pairing with the sound of soft breaths.

Their faces were close now, close enough that Nursey could see Dex’s eyes widening, close enough that he couldn’t have imagined the way they flickered to his mouth.

 _Fuck it,_ Nursey thought.

“I might… I might be about to fuck this up but...” 

Nursey leaned forward, slowly enough to give Dex time to react. Dex’s eyes never left Nursey’s, dark, dark, dark, as Nursey touched his nose to Dex’s face.

Nursey let his eyes flutter shut, breathing in the smell of the sea.

“How--," Nursey swallowed. "How is it that you manage to carry the ocean all the way here, Will?”

Their lips met, and it wasn’t what Nursey had thought it would be on the bus, all those weeks ago. Not angry or possessive at all. Dex’s lips were soft and warm and timid.

One second, two. Nursey pulled away and opened his eyes. Dex’s eyes were closed, ginger lashes resting on his cheeks.

Nursey didn’t dare move. 

“Are you..? Was that…? You’re not freaking out. Why aren’t you freaking out?” 

“Oh, I’m freaking out,” Dex said, putting his hand on Nursey’s chest, opening his eyes.

Nursey looked down at the hand, resting just above his heart. And he started to panic.

“Shit. Fuck. Oh fuck, Dex, I didn’t mean to--” Dex’s mouth cut him off, his hand grabbing the fabric of Nursey’s tank top. 

Oh. _Oh_.

Dex kissed him like he was a drowning man and Nursey was the surface. He kissed Nursey like he meant it. Like he was _saying something_ without words. Nursey couldn’t remember ever feeling anything like this. This was better than scoring a goal.This was better that finally finishing a poem or getting high. This was happiness in a kiss. This was _Dex_. And it was everything Nursey had ever wanted.

 ***

 **Dex**  

Kissing Nursey was all soft curls and heated lips. It was everything Dex had imagined and everything he hadn’t. It was Nursey pushing him gently up against the boards, one hand on Dex’s waist while the other held his cheek. It was painfully soft and sweet, stubble against stubble, lips meeting slowly.

Nursey kissed like he had all the time in the world. He kissed lazily, eventually sliding his tongue into Dex’s mouth. Dex tangled his tongue with Nursey’s and Nursey moaned softy.

 _Nursey_ , was all Dex could think, everything else fading into the distant background. The world was only Nursey’s mouth on his, the smell of old libraries and coffee, and roaming hands.

Dex let himself fall into the kiss. Let himself card his fingers through Nursey’s hair, let himself pull Nursey closer, hand on the small of his back.

Dex could have stayed there forever. This was everything he’d told himself he couldn’t have. But here he was, having it.

It felt like a long time and no time at all when they broke apart, all ragged breaths on cheeks and necks. Dex let his arms rest on Nursey’s shoulders, hands tangled around his neck and in his hair.

He laughed lightly onto Nursey’s shoulder.

“ _What?_ No, you can not tell me that wasn’t ‘swawesome for you, too. I refuse to believe that wasn’t good for you.”

Dex turned his head and pressed a kiss to Nursey’s neck and felt him shiver against his lips. 

_Fucking hell, Nursey._

“No, it’s just,” Dex pulled back to look Nursey in the eyes and faltered.

Nursey looked almost drunk -- green eyes unfocused, red lips, messy hair. That was was _Dex’s_ doing.

_Jesus._

Dex swallowed.

“I’ve been telling myself I couldn’t have this for so, so long.” 

“Oh. _Oh._ ”

And Nursey leaned forward to kiss him again.


	7. epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta'd so if you see mistakes hmu on Tumblr @erinpourquoi
> 
> I have a NurseyDex Spotify playlist that I listened to while writing--(https://open.spotify.com/user/erinsusanne/playlist/6qrzdGkHTVnYiIgK03FF5C))
> 
> “Kissing up on fences and up on walls” is a line from the Troye Sivan song, "Wild".  
> “I can’t walk away” is a line from The Weekend's, "Die For You".  
> “We're bumper cars” is a line from the Alex and Sierra song, "Bumper Cars".  
> “I wasn't trying to fall in love but, boy, you pushed me” is a line from the Alessia Cara song, "I'm Yours".
> 
> My Tumblr is @erinpourquoi

**_“Kissing up on fences and up on walls”_**  
**_A week later: Nursey_**  
“Do you remember that night in frog year where you fell on top of me?” Dex asked it so casually, like it happened yesterday and not two years ago. Nursey could have cried. They were walking back to the Haus from Annie’s, brushing their fingers together every few steps or so.

Nursey didn’t know how much he should actually say. He didn’t know if he should confess how often he recalled that moment, afraid of making his pining even more obvious. Dex didn’t wait for his answer though, getting to the point himself.

  
 “Probably not, that was a mess of a week, but that’s one of those moments that I think about when--” he trailed off, his cheeks reddening. Nursey brushed his arm purposefully past Dex’s.

“I think about it a lot when I read poetry,” Nursey offered.

  
Dex looked up from the his shoes to give Nursey a smile and Nursey thought it was like seeing the sun for the first time.

  
“You do remember!”

  
“Vividly.”

  
Dex looked around and gripped Nursey’s hand, pulling him off the main path. They ended up out of sight, behind an old freshman dorm.

  
“What’re we doing?” Nursey asked, laughing as Dex pinned him against the wall.

  
“Well, I don’t know about you, but I’m about to kiss my dramatic boyfriend.”

  
Nursey raised an eyebrow. “Hmm. A boyfriend?”

  
Dex bit his lip. Nursey was familiar with the nervous gesture, mostly because it had driven him crazy for years. It was driving his crazy right now.

  
“I-,” Dex had a slight panic in his eyes, but he set his jaw and let out a breath. “Nursey. _Are_ you my boyfriend?”

  
They hadn’t clarified what this new thing was, at least, not in so many words. Nursey was content to have what he could, afraid of shattering it like glass. But here was Dex, setting his jaw like he did on the ice, asking the question that had been on Nursey’s lips for the past week. Nursey didn’t think he imagined the sound of his rapid heartbeat. He grinned and brushed a hand past Dex’s neck.

  
“Well, you’ll have to check with this guy I’ve been seeing,” Dex tensed and Nursey plowed through quickly, making sure not to panic him further. “He’s this red-headed hockey player. Kinda has a temper.”

  
Dex squinted like he was annoyed but his eyes were glowing mischievously. Nursey thought he could get used to it.

  
“Hmm,” Dex leaned closer, his hand landing against the wall by Nursey’s ear. “He sounds hot though.”

  
_Yeah_ , Nursey could definitely get used to it.

  
“Very.”

  
And then they’re kissing. Not sweet and tentative like they have been, but hungry. The others were good, but so was this. This was what Nursey had imagined kissing Dex would be like before. But that fantasy had nothing on actually kissing Dex like this. This was a kiss like an extension of their fighting or their focus on the ice. It was all pushy tongues and needy whimpers. They bickered with their lips and tugged with their hands. It was Dex pressing against him, bracing him hard into the wall. It was Nursey sinking his teeth into Dex’s bottom lip and earning a moan that shot straight through him. Nursey had only thought his heartbeat had been high before but while kissing Dex, his pulse was hammering. They kissed like a tug of war; like the poems Nursey had written. Poems about oil and water; about fire and ice. In that old poetry they may have been fire and ice, but now Nursey thought that if he were ice, he would have melted long ago. No, Dex was fire, but Nursey, Nursey was a match, never knowing what it felt like to be aflame until that moment.

  
They pulled away only when they were out of breath. They didn’t move though, sharing hot breaths with their eyes closed.

  
“So,” Nursey said when he could formulate his thoughts into words again. His voice only caught a little. He cleared his throat and pulled away enough to look at Dex and start again. “So, boyfriend. Wanna take me to dinner tonight?”

  
Dex laughed.

  
“College kids. Always looking for a free meal.”

  
Nursey shrugged, throwing his head back against the brown brick.

  
“Guilty as charged.”

  
“So...Olive Garden?”

  
“Babe,” Nursey tried out the pet name. It sounded good on his tongue. “You know I love it when you talk dirty.”

  
Dex rolled his eyes, but their bright shining gave him away.

 ** _“I can’t walk away”_**  
**_One month later: Dex_**

  
It was Nursey’s fault, Dex was sure. They’d been dating in secret for maybe a month. Nursey had mentioned it to his family and Dex’s brother knew, sure, but that was different. That wasn’t _Samwell_.

  
Not that they hadn’t talked about it. They’d had loads of late night conversations, held entirely in whispers, about telling the team and holding hands on the quad without worrying. And they were planning to say something…eventually. But eventually had suddenly become now for Dex.

  
They were sitting in the living room with some of the team during finals week. Bitty and Chowder were leaning against the wall, discussing the horrors of group projects. Tango nervously ate cookies in his bean bag and Ford was on one end of the couch, tapping her pen to some song playing through her headphones. Dex sat on the other end, focusing on memorizing as many equations as humanly possible. Nursey sat on the floor, leaning against his legs, scratching fiercely at his notebook.

Dex guessed that he should actually blame the notebook. A Nursey in his own head was a Nursey who did without thinking. But whatever or whoever was to blame didn’t matter, what mattered was damage control.

What happened was this:

Nursey stretched like a cat, popping his pen closed dramatically. No one even looked up. He used Dex’s knee to lift himself and pulled his backpack over his shoulder. Then, as he walked by, he leaned down into Dex’s space. And Dex supposed that he might be at fault here, too, but Nursey kisses were hard (read: impossible) to resist.

The kiss was nothing, really. A short peck, a “see you later” kind of a thing.

“Bye, babe,” Nursey said, already headed towards the door. Dex gave a small half wave before turning back to his notes.

...

The sound of someone clearing their throat pulled him away. Dex looked up to find all a bunch of frozen hockey players (+ one equally frozen manger), all looking

like they’re in shock. Dex’s cheek felt heated.

“Um…,” he tried.

Bitty and Chowder were the first to recover.

“OMG,” Chowder practically bounced in place. “ARE YOU TWO—”

“HOW LONG? MY FROGS!” Bitty cut Chowder off, bringing a hand to his mouth. Chowder didn’t seem to mind, still bouncing in place.

Oh, shit, was Dex’s first thought. His second?

_I am going to kill Derek Malik Nurse._

 

 _ **"We're bumper cars "**_  
**_Two months later: Dex_**

"?WHY ON EARTH ARE YOU OKAY WITH THIS"

Nursey was mad. Dex knew that Nursey was actually mad when his voice lost its usual undercurrent of laughter and chill.

  
“I dunno, I just think that you’re overreacting,” Dex answered.

  
“OVERREACTING? Will, you weren’t going to tell me at all?”

  
Uh, oh. Dex knew when the first names were dropped that it was gonna be a bad one. He turned from his bed, backpack still slung over his shoulder and prepared as best he could for the onslaught.

  
“You were going to stay here for half of break! With me! We talked about this weeks ago!”

  
“I know, but--” Dex tried to interrupt, but Nursey was in no mood for excuses. 

  
“But now you’re leaving tomorrow?!? And you haven’t said shit.”

Dex bit his lip, holding back a response. He guessed Nursey was right that Dex should have mentioned it sooner. Nursey wasn't done though. He stepped closer, throwing his textbook down on the desk as he did.

  
“And--Jesus --You are not even out to your family! And your brother isn't going so you’ll have no one. You know how being around them can make you feel stifled and... and you haven't even mentioned this!” Nursey is building up steam, words always coming to him in his time of need. Dex, on the other hand, felt frustrated and frayed like a rope. He needed to get out of the room before he snapped. Nursey was angry rambling, his hand gesturing angrily in Dex’s face.

  
“I know we fight a lot and we broke up that one time but then had awesome make up sex but that is no reason for you to--”

  
Dex had had enough, he wrapped a hand loosely around Nursey’s wrist where it pointed accusingly at him.

  
“NURSEY. I can do what I want. I knew you would--”

  
“Tell you what you didn’t want to hear!”

  
“Yeah, I’m worried about it, but I’m going to do it anyway. I don’t care what you think.” Dex didn’t even hear what he said, anger clouding his judgment.

  
Nursey threw a hand in the air, the other still firmly grasped in Dex’s.

  
“You _should_ fucking care. I hate this. Talk to me-- God-- are you in this or not Dex? You are so fucking infuriating and it makes it even worse that I think I’m in love with you!” Nursey shouted, the words flying from his mouth so quickly that Dex almost missed them. But he didn’t. He dropped his hand and took a step back, blinking rapidly. The backs of his knees hit the bed.

  
“You love me?” The words fell from Dex’s lips before he could stop them.

  
“I-” Nursey pulled back, too, his face scrunching in confusion.

  
Dex sat heavily onto the bed. Nursey took two steps and plopped down next to him. After a minute or two, it was Dex who spoke up, still feeling like he’d been punched.

  
“Why,” he swallowed, a little afraid of where this conversation might lead. “Why is it that arguing with you hurts so much, but not enough to make us stop?”

  
Nursey’s responding sigh was shaky.

  
“It’s just us,” he said, his tone matter of fact. “It’s who we are. We have to disagree. Pretty sure it keeps the world turning or something like that.” Nursey waved his hand vaguely in the air.

  
Dex huffed.

  
“Not everything revolves around you, you know.”

  
“Not everything, no. But somethings. Or at least halfway.”

  
“Like us,” Dex filled in the blank.

  
“Like us,” Nursey agreed.

  
He still sounded angry. Dex felt just as charged. He needed to get out but --

  
_Nursey loves me_.

  
“Communication problems,” Nursey said bitterly. “Talk about it later?”

  
And Dex felt relieved; he could get out of here and come back with a clear head.

  
_Nursey always has my back, even when he’s pissed_.

  
“Yeah, I need to cool down. I’ll come see you before I leave?”

  
“Yeah. Dex-- yeah.” Nursey swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing and for the first time Dex thought he might be holding back tears. Fuck. This part of their relationship hurt him. The real fighting. Dex knew it was his fault, at least this time but Nursey knows him too well and Nursey has to know that he doesn’t actually want to go, but he will out of obligation. That he didn’t think about Nursey first because he’s a shit communicator and isn’t used to having someone care about -- love-- _him_.

  
Half-way out the door, Dex stopped and turned his head.

  
“And Derek?" 

  
Nursey looked up from the bed, meeting Dex’s amber eyes. Dex felt his face soften, looking at this boy-- sure they fought but for every fight there were dozens of better moments. Dex felt a small smile slip past his lips.

  
“I’m in love with you, too.”

  
  
**_“I wasn't trying to fall in love but, boy, you pushed me”_**

**_Three years later: Nursey_ **

“Let’s get married.”

Nursey froze. He’d been almost asleep, lying on his side listening to the low hum of their desk fan and Dex’s slow breathing. Dex’s lips landed on his shoulder.

  
“Dex.”

  
“Hmm.”

Dex scooted closer, his arm looping around Nursey’s bare abdomen. He rested his chin on Nursey’s shoulder.

  
“Dex.” Nursey’s whole body was slowly unfreezing, but his head was still reeling. He was _very_ awake now.

  
“Nursey,” Dex matched his tone.

  
Nursey rolled over to look at his boyfriend's face. Moonlight filtered in through the window, illuminating his puffed up orange hair.

  
“Did you just propose? At,” Nursey glanced over his freckled shoulder to look at their bedside table. “1:15 in the morning?”

  
Dex blinked twice and a blush started creeping down his neck.

  
“Shit. Fuck, you’re totally right. Forget it.” He rolled over, so that Nursey could only see his back. Nursey laughed lightly, sitting up to switch on the light.

  
“ _Will_.”

  
Dex flipped back over. He had his face covered with his arm.

  
“I fucked that up.”

  
His grumpy voice was muffled by skin. Nursey held back a laugh.

  
“Nah, it’s fine.”

  
Dex peaked out from over his arm, his face that rosey shade Nursey loved to pieces. Nursey felt his face scrunch a little.

  
“Okay so, you _don’t_ wanna marry me?” Maybe it was a petty response, but Nursey didn’t want to just forget it. He doubted he could.

  
Dex took a deep breath, reaching out to pull Nursey closer. Nursey obliged him, shuffling over so that their noses touched.

  
“No, but -- Jesus -- Derek Nurse--” Dex whispered, his soft breaths falling warmly of Nursey’s nose. “Nurse. Nursey, I wanna do it right. I want to buy you a ring and get your mom’s blessing and get on a knee and all that shit.” He brushed a knuckle across Nursey’s cheek. “You deserve everything. You deserve more than everything.”

They way that made him feel reminded Nursey of being hit on the ice, one of those hits that leaves you lost and unbalanced.

  
“Fuck,” was all he could manage.

Dex laughed quietly.“And you’re the romantic one?”

  
“Whatever, loser.” Not his best smooth talk, but Nursey made up for it with the kiss.

  
After a few minutes, Nursey reached over and flipped off the light. He settled back into the bed, pulling Dex close, nuzzling his neck.

  
“I love you,” Dex said, his voice soft as he brought Nursey’s palm to his lips for a small kiss.

  
Nursey smiled.

  
“Yo, same but more importantly: are we going to have a spring or a summer wedding?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Done! This was purely self-indulgent but here it is so...
> 
> Also, "We're bumper cars" exists because I see writers in this fandom act like once Nurseydex gets together everything's perfect but, like, if you drive someone crazy just bc you're banging doesn't mean you're gonna drive them any less crazy. Arguing in relationships is normal. I will say that if you feel unhappy or if you feel like the arguing is non-stop in a bad way then that is a red flag!! Stay happy and safe friends! 
> 
> Thanks for reading and for the kudos! Love you all! x

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like I keep changing from past to present yikes. If there's a confusing part please let me know on tumblr @erinpourquoi.  
> Also, I'm doing ficlets on tumblr this summer so hmu abt that, too.


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